One man's disaster is another man's adventure.

In June of last year we woke one morning to a patch of water on the kitchen floor.  Not very big, it just looked like a small spill so I mopped it up.  But later there was a lot more, and after some investigation, we discovered a slow dripping leak from the on/off valve, which our friend (who is a plumber) fixed for us.

So the laminate flooring in the kitchen started to buckle up - water had got underneath, so with the house insurance's blessing we lifted the floor to assess and let it dry.

Which led to us discovering it had also tracked under the dining room laminate.  Which flows seamlessly into the lounge - meaning it all needed to be replaced - annoyingly as it was only a couple of years old.

So when we lifted the laminate in the dining room to let the floor dry, we discovered bitumen that had once held down asbestos tiles (long since removed) but the insurance company were not happy.  They said it could still contain asbestos and so we had to move out until it could be remediated.

So we stayed in a nearby holiday let we were able to book last minute for a week or so.  Then another.  Then a trip up country to visit our daughter at Uni.  And then another.

Whilst the places we stayed in were lovely, the owners friendly and engaging, the scenery beautiful - the experiences were marred by the worry of getting our home fixed and habitable again.  You can only live out of a suitcase for so long before it does things to your state of mind - and we longed to get back home again - also because my wife and I both work from home.  So when the asbestos remediation team turned up and cleared it out, we were able to inhabit one half of our home.

Our flooring guy then came and screeded the entire surface from lounge to kitchen ready to lay new flooring - but another team - sent by the insurance company to assess the wetness of the environment told us we shouldn't have had the screeding done before they had a chance to see if there was any moisture still in the slad - and so they set up huge dehumidifiers and industrial fans for what felt like forever.  They are very noisy.  Very.  And they're on 24/7.

We were living out of two bedrooms, eating off our laps, watching TV on a laptop.  It felt like being in prison, and June had turned to July, into August.  

Eventually the place was deemed dry, and the noisy apparatus removed.  And then the lounge and dining room floor was re-laid, and our furniture was back from storage, and life got a little bit better - but the kitchen flooring was still on order so that wasn't done yet.

Also, we had to get some decorators in to repair the water damage to the plaster and the skirtings and so while they were in we had some other work done too - at our own expense - to make it all look a bit nicer.  And September became October, and then November.  And then the floor was done.

6 months.  A mixture of fear and anxiety, frustration and annoyance, pleasure and peace, noise and mess, upheaval and upset, tears and laughter.  At the time it was a major disaster.  Now, looking back - I can barely remember what all the fuss was about.  Incredible how we can adapt to our circumstances.  How we can forget suffering once it's behind us.  I consider us very fortunate, despite all that happened.  I feel blessed.  Damaged and contaminated items have been replaced and our home is better for it.

We had work done in other areas of our home (again at our own expense) that made sense whilst rooms were empty, and everything now feels fresh and revitalised, and we are very happy with it all.  And none of it would have happened without that initial drip, drip, drip.

Buddhist Lesson

This is one of my favourite Buddhist lessons. 

Two Buddhist monks are walking back to the temple one hot, dry day when they come across an old woman beside a raging river.  She is staring at the river, which is clearly barring her way, with a look of total frustration on her face.

The younger of the two monks offers the lady assistance, so she climbs up onto his back, arms about his neck, her small bag of possessions bumping painfully against the monk’s chest as he fought the current to get her across.

On the far back, the old woman climbs down and goes off on her way without saying a word of thanks or any acknowledgment of the monk’s kindness whatsoever.

The young monk remarks to the older one how rude it was of her, how bruised he was from the bag banging against him, how tired his legs were having carried that extra weight, how hot and thirsty the exertion had made him, and so on – all the way back to the temple.  As they get to the gates the older monk, who all this time had kept silent during his companion’s complaints, turned to him and asked, “Are you still carrying that old woman on your back?”

You, Me and a whole world of difference.

I was thinking today about that old adage "treat people how you would like to be treated", and I think I've come to a startling conclusion.

It doesn't work!

For example, kindness - you do an act of kindness to someone that is already kind, and they reciprocate. It's in their nature to, because they're kind.

You do an act of kindness to someone that's mean and selfish, and they take it and think "what a sucker!" Because they just got something for nothing, they have no need to reciprocate, because it's not in their nature to be unselfish. So they gain and you lose. You think you have the moral high ground, but in actual fact they're laughing at you. They don't care about moral high ground.

Then there's cruelty. A person is cruel and malicious, spreading vile lies, hurting people because it's fun. You turn the other cheek, accept their lies with a shrug, think you're the better person for not hitting back. Meanwhile people believe their lies and your reputation takes a nosedive.

If you try and retaliate, you know what happens? Everyone thinks you're despicable because you, the nice kind thoughtful you, just did something so mean!

Their sticks and stones do break your bones, their words also hurt you. But your feeble attempt to redress the balance ends up hurting you more. Not only from other people's reactions, but also your own conscience, which pricks you deep and makes you feel unworthy.

You can't win.

So, if you are a good, kind and thoughtful person - expect to be taken advantage of. It's the burden you must bear in silence. There will always be mean and cruel people out there just waiting for you to come along. You will not change them, because there's no profit in it for them to change.

I think this is why we hope for a God, a Heaven, something that's going to redress the balance one day, allow the meek to inherit, allow the righteous to finally get some payback. Watch those mean, cruel people writhe in Hell. "What goes around comes around". We hope that's true, we hope there is justice in the World - because deep down we know, if there isn't, we're onto a loser!