Trouble

When I woke up today the World seemed an OK place.
The sun was shining, my heart was still beating, I could hear my wife and daughter chattering away happily.
Not long later, a small touch of rot set in.  A comment taken the wrong way, a dig, a look - and suddenly wife and I were discussing splitting up. Who would move out? Who do we tell? Do we care??

It seemed so very real.  We have been irritating each other so much lately.  Every little thing grating on our nerves. So many things said taken the wrong way. Wondering daily why we were sticking at this.  Obviously unhappy.  Today seemed to be the last straw - and yet it wasn't anything major.  Neither of us have been unfaithful. We are not violent or abusive, controlling or anything like that.

We are under some strain.  Some ill health. Some work pressures. Financial pressure. This and that.  But we work well as a team. We share responsibility, take it in turns with the chores, support each other, do stuff together.  We work well together and usually communicate well.  Only a week or so before we'd been off all week together - decorating and doing jobs about the house. 9 whole days without a break from the myriad of jobs - some quite labour-intensive, yet we got on perfectly well.  Not a bad word.  So what changed?

My wife hit the nail on the head today as we discussed our issues.

We lack focus.

We have no particular goals.  When decorating we had a common aim.  A reason to work together, a plan, strategy, a direction to share.  But when you take that away from us you have two people just drifting along aimlessly.  We watch the same TV, eat the same food, but really we are just a teensy bit bored with it all.

And so, we have more time and energy to spare for petty bickering.

My wife and I have a pretty good relationship.  We are best friends, and we can communicate.  We are not afraid to speak up when something needs to be said.  We could have walked away from it - taken the easy way out, given up on almost 12 years of marriage, but in the end we did what we do best - we stuck at it and we talked it through.  It wasn't pleasant - admitting we were wrong, admitting we had taken each other for granted, admitting we'd let ourselves down, slipped into bad habits.

So - we are still together.  We have more talking to do.  We have to learn some new habits - get rid of a few old ones. We have to learn to be happy with each other again - but because we want to save it, we will save it.

Today we found out some people we know did the exact opposite today.

It put our predicament into perspective!

Friendship

One of the most important things we can ever have is a friend. My best friend also happens to be my wife, and my daughter is also my best friend - or so she tells me. But then her teddy bear is also her best friend, and so is next doors cat, and the boy on the swings at the park. Even with these flighty, fickle standards, I know I feature in there somewhere.

But apart from wife and daughter, I don't really have that many other friends. I have people I work with - I like them, they like me. We do stuff for each other, and go for a drink after work sometimes. But they're not real "friends". I would expect them to miss me a little when I die, but not to go to my funeral and remember me forever afterwards.

My wife tells me I should have more friends, get out more - but if I'm being honest, I have enough friends. I have my very best friend (wife), and my best mate from London (who I never keep in contact with), and some old work and polytechnic buddies I stay loosely in touch with via Facebook, and even a few from the US who I befriended via FB - but we're not inseperable. We don't have that deep bond that real friends have. But I'm OK with that - I like them just as they are.

I think my wife thinks that this lack of friends makes me lonely, but in actual fact, it doesn't. I am comfortable with myself, and am happy in my own company. I easily live up to my own expectations and rarely am boring or dull. I laugh at my jokes, know just what I'm thinking, and don't need to fill the silences. I fit myself like an old slipper.

Oh, and I don't forget my birthday!

Friendship, true, deep friendship, is a rare commodity - and when I find it I treasure it - but I'm a bit too insular, a bit too reserved. I used to think I was antisocial - but I'm not, because in a social situation I am outgoing and funny, warm and friendly, sincere and attentive and nice. No, I'm not anti social, i'm just not sociable. I do not seek friends, or friendship, for it's own sake.