Are We Lost?

I asked myself this question during the drive to work today.
No, I didn’t mean lost as in geographically, I mean spiritually and mentally.

I was thinking about how our ancestors lived.  Their lives seemed more structured than ours.  They rose at a certain time, ate breakfast – probably the same thing every day, and left for their work – a factory maybe, or clerking in a bank or solicitors, or on a ship, or in a warehouse, or a shop.

They would work their long day with only a little break for something to eat, and take they pay home in a small brown envelope at the end of the week.  The money would be divided up into tins – rent, food, whatever.  Once home, they would prepare a meal, discuss something – local politics, the church, school, work.  They would read a book, or sew.  They would go to bed early.

Their lives had a structure to them, and were not complicated.  It seems they knew their purpose in life.  They knew the career they were going to follow because their fathers and mothers followed that path.  They would apprentice and learn a skill, and they would employ that skill. 

If they needed to know something outside of their close circle of experience they would go to a library to research it, and questions would be asked – “why are you interested in that?  To what purpose?”  To seek more knowledge than was necessary in your day-to-day was considered a waste of time, because your time was so structured.  Your life had a clearly defined purpose.  It was what your parents did, and their parents, and those before.

Today I see us as being disparate, scattered and lost.  We no longer seem to have structure or purpose.  I get up at different times of the day, depending on what hours I’m working, or where I will be working from today.  I can eat a different breakfast every day for a week or a month, and never repeat the same meal twice.

I travel to work (or work from home), but can take time off if I feel like it.  I can stay home sick without fear of losing my job.  I can watch TV – hundreds of different channels.  I do not have tins to keep my money in.  My money is invisible – digital.  Bills paid electronically.  I no longer need to save for something – I can just buy whatever I want because my invisible money is no longer constrained by what I earn.

I no longer need a reason to find out something new.  I don’t need to go to the library.  I have a small device in my pocket that can tell me anything I want to know.  I can book a flight to almost anywhere in the world, travel there, find my way to a location via GPS or SatNav and communicate with people that do not speak my language using my smartphone.

I no longer need my mother or grandmother to teach me to cook or sew or iron – because YouTube can show me.  I no longer need to apprentice to learn a skill.  Higher education – which was once the domain of the wealthy or titled, is now open to all – and a degree, once the epitome of excellence, is now the norm.

We have expanded out of that tiny close-knit world of our ancestors so far, we no longer bear any resemblance to it.  Their values, ethics and morals have been stretched thin in our rapid expansion.  We do not respect our elders because they have nothing to teach us or give us – we no longer need their advice when Google has all the answers. 

I think we have lost our way, and I am greatly saddened by it.  I have taught my daughter to cook and sew (as my mother taught me), and I talk to her of the old ways, of the values we shun in favour of mass-produced homogeny. The ethics we’ve lost in an age of do-what-you-will, and the friendship-bonds stretched thin by Facebook and Instagram, because it takes no effort to poke or click like or share.

We are too thin – we lack any real depth.  We have become selfish in our desire for everything now!
Our pursuit of bigger, better, faster and newer now crowds out our desire for sympathy, empathy and understanding of others.  I pass people in the street and say hello and I smile.  I hold the door open for strangers.  I pick up fallen toys for children.  I talk to people’s dogs.  I clean up litter from my neighbour’s front lawn.  I offer to help complete strangers with their heavy bags.

I am trying to pull myself back in – I am trying to remember where I was before I became lost – and my smartphone can’t help me with that one!

Thank you for reading my thought on an ever-changing World!

You might also like some of the stuff on my website

https://collywobspearson.wixsite.com/mysite

Terrorism, Diplomacy and the Importance of Communication.

Before I start writing about this, I do not profess to be an expert on any of this, nor do I claim to be right about these things – I’m just throwing some ideas out there.  I’m hoping it might encourage people to think of different methods to get their point across.  I’m not implying that an act of terrorism or brutality is the same as a child throwing a tantrum – it’s just an analogy.

What is terrorism?  It’s an act, or series of acts, designed to instil terror or fear.

What is the point of terrorism?  To use fear to gain something – but what?  With the IRA attacks it was to bring about opposing British rule in Ireland.

(https://www.thoughtco.com/guide-to-the-irish-republican-army-3209135)

Eventually though, it was negotiation, diplomacy and communication that brought about an end to hostilities and the removal of British troops from Northern Ireland.  A change in the way a government thinks, a compromise, a bit of give and take.

Next up, Brexit – we hear daily about “negotiations” with the EU about what the UK wants as part of its exit deal.  There seems to be an awful lot of demanding and not much agreeing going on. 

Finally, there’s the terrorist attacks by ISIS.  We are suffering these atrocities – but in the name of what?  What do they want to gain by it?  As far as I can tell, no one has actually said what they want to gain.  So, is it terrorism just for the hell of it, or is there something they want?  If the latter, then maybe someone needs to ask the question – “What do you want?” And actually open a discussion with the people organising all this.  Few negotiations are clean – they often involve disagreements, compromises, and base-lines that one side or the other refuses to budge on.  But until we start communicating, nothing is really being achieved – other than senseless killing of innocent people.

When my daughter decided to throw a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket over something she wanted there and then, I didn’t cave into her demands (fear of embarrassment, desire for a quiet life, escape from accusing/disapproving stares) and I didn’t respond with aggression (shouting, smacking, threats of “just wait ‘til I get you home!”  No.  What I did was kneel down in front of her and I said “Let’s pop  outside for a minute” and I took her, kicking and screaming, outside.

There, once the audience was gone, she calmed down a bit.  I quietly explained that I wasn’t going to give in to her tantrums – we could either go back into the store and finish our shopping, or we could go home without anything nice for tea.  We finished our shopping in peace.  When we got home, I praised her for her new behaviour, and said that if she wanted something another time, to ask for it – but if I didn’t think she should have it, I would give her a reason why.  We never had another tantrum.

I don’t believe violence and aggression is a valid way to get what you want.  It’s bullying – something we are all against (unless we’re the bully of course!)  Violence does not build trust and respect.  It doesn’t make people want to listen to your reasons or believe your beliefs – it does the opposite. 

Peaceful negotiation, simple discussion, being open and honest about your needs and wants – being prepared to give some ground here to gain some there – accept compromise where possible and be firm, but polite, on the things you cannot yield.

But what if terrorism is just for the hell of it?  Like the school bully that hurts you just because they like to see you cry? Because it makes them feel in control? I can’t answer that I’m afraid.  When I was bullied, I just put up with it until one day something sparked inside the bully’s head – he looked at me as the tears roll down my cheeks and asked me why I was crying.  I told him that repeatedly thumping me in the arm hurt.  A lot.  And for some reason, this made him stop – just like that.  No more bullying from him again.  Do we just put up with the bombings and driving vehicles into crowds of people, hoping one day that the organisers of these acts see that it’s achieving nothing real in the big scheme of things? 

Will it just, one day, stop?
I hope so – I hope that day is today.  But never once did I think hitting that bully back would do anything other than make him hit me harder and more often.

Am I a Geek, a Nerd, or just having a Mid Life Crisis?

This is me laughing at myself...
I'm not really laughing.  I'm wondering whether I'm riding the wave of social media-blogging-pinteresting stumbling, tumbling youtubing infomedia - as a 51 year old overweight male, enjoying a freedom of information, trawling the 'net in an awesome horizon broadening knowledge download.  Or am I just going through a midlife crisis?

I was born in the 60's - and if I wanted to send my cousin in the USA a picture of me on holiday I whipped out the Kodak, reeled off 24 or 36 pictures - the quality of which would only be revealed by my local Boots chemist after I'd jetted back from wherever (never to return).  The photograph would be accompanied by a handwritten letter on the thinnest of thin paper, slid carefully into a thinner blue envelope and posted Par Avion, to arrive a few weeks later (if at all).

But now, I can snap the moment on my smartphone, and if I don't like it I can snap it again, and I can edit the picture, and I can email or SMS is to anyone in the World close to instantaneously - or I can upload to my social media site and tag to my hearts content.  I can check in, and hey, in a years time I will be reminded of where I was, who I was with and what my political leanings were.  I might even have a picture of what I had for dinner!

Once upon a time, if I needed to find out how to strip down a lawnmower I would either ask my granddad, find a friendly lawnmower repair shop tucked down some alley way off the High Street, or I'd go to my local library and look in the reference section.  No longer do I have that inconvenience!  Just as well, because granddads are a dying breed now - soon to be replaced by "why don't you Google it?"  The little shop has closed down because people will now throw away the defective mower and buy a new one, and I am amazed we still have libraries!

I have embraced this new technology with open arms.  I love my laptop/tablet/smartphone.  I play Scrabble on my smartphone.  On my own.
If I thought I was antisocial before the advent of this technology, Lord only knows what I am now!

When I was a kid, if you wanted a moving image in a notebook you drew little stick figures in the bottom corner on every page, making each one a little different, and flicked through them to form a flick-book.  Now, my daughter asks if she can do her homework in PowerPoint so she can animate it!

My worry is am I a geek, a nerd or just a sad middle aged man trying to be cool?

The upside of this however is things like this blog.  I'm just writing my thoughts down, some random chatter that's meant to be funny.  If I wanted to do this years ago I'd have to have a job with a newspaper or a magazine - publishing my byline fortnightly.  I would need to have studied, qualified, acquired references, developed a portfolio, networked at parties (ugh! sorry, there's my antisocial side showing again) and made connections - but now I just ramble on here and if I'm lucky, people will read it.

The downside though is, the internet is full of this stuff.  That journalist went through all that malarkey for a reason - to weed out the dross, so that articles were only written by accomplished writers, who checked their facts, who researched their subject, who were accountable for their plagiarism, slander and such.  The veracity of some of what you see on the internet cannot be guaranteed, and posts on social media get shared and liked and bandied about without anyone checking if what they're publishing is true or not.

I like this new world that I'm a part of, where so much of what you want or need is at your fingertips. It's what I dreamed about in the 70's - being a part of the world, and not just a part of my street.  If I wanted broader horizons I certainly got them!

Trouble

When I woke up today the World seemed an OK place.
The sun was shining, my heart was still beating, I could hear my wife and daughter chattering away happily.
Not long later, a small touch of rot set in.  A comment taken the wrong way, a dig, a look - and suddenly wife and I were discussing splitting up. Who would move out? Who do we tell? Do we care??

It seemed so very real.  We have been irritating each other so much lately.  Every little thing grating on our nerves. So many things said taken the wrong way. Wondering daily why we were sticking at this.  Obviously unhappy.  Today seemed to be the last straw - and yet it wasn't anything major.  Neither of us have been unfaithful. We are not violent or abusive, controlling or anything like that.

We are under some strain.  Some ill health. Some work pressures. Financial pressure. This and that.  But we work well as a team. We share responsibility, take it in turns with the chores, support each other, do stuff together.  We work well together and usually communicate well.  Only a week or so before we'd been off all week together - decorating and doing jobs about the house. 9 whole days without a break from the myriad of jobs - some quite labour-intensive, yet we got on perfectly well.  Not a bad word.  So what changed?

My wife hit the nail on the head today as we discussed our issues.

We lack focus.

We have no particular goals.  When decorating we had a common aim.  A reason to work together, a plan, strategy, a direction to share.  But when you take that away from us you have two people just drifting along aimlessly.  We watch the same TV, eat the same food, but really we are just a teensy bit bored with it all.

And so, we have more time and energy to spare for petty bickering.

My wife and I have a pretty good relationship.  We are best friends, and we can communicate.  We are not afraid to speak up when something needs to be said.  We could have walked away from it - taken the easy way out, given up on almost 12 years of marriage, but in the end we did what we do best - we stuck at it and we talked it through.  It wasn't pleasant - admitting we were wrong, admitting we had taken each other for granted, admitting we'd let ourselves down, slipped into bad habits.

So - we are still together.  We have more talking to do.  We have to learn some new habits - get rid of a few old ones. We have to learn to be happy with each other again - but because we want to save it, we will save it.

Today we found out some people we know did the exact opposite today.

It put our predicament into perspective!

Keeping in Touch

As I was on my laptop the other day playing Candy Crush, the TV on in the background, daughter upstairs in bed asleep, wife doing the same thing on her mobile phone, it occurred to me what a tiny insular life I was making myself live.

In this day and age of enhanced communication technology, I find myself actually communicating less than before computers and telephones were commonplace!  I used to spend hours writing a letter - 5 or 6 pages of A4 paper, both sides filled with chatter and trivia, sent via snail-mail, then await the reply - if you ever got one - weeks later.

Now, with e-mail, texts, blogs, Facebook, Twitter and websites at my disposal, I find myself playing Candy Crush!  I should be keeping in touch with my friends - a quick text, a poke, a tweet, and email.  I should be writing my daughter's journal, I should be adding a  page on here, I should be writing my own journal, I should be adding a page or two to my notebook.

So, the other day I went through my email account contacts, found someone I'd not spoken to since, well, since the last family funeral, and I sent them an email.  A few days later I got a fantastic reply - and the miles between us, the months between us, shrank to nothing.

I emailed my best mate - whose life is as busy and as full and as complicated as my own and who I never see these days.  Not got a reply from him yet, but hey - small steps huh?

I have written another few pages in my daughter's journal.  I've emailed her too.

And now I'm writing this.

In this day and age of almost effortless communication, it's easy to become complacent though.  It's easy to get sidetracked away from staying in touch with our friends and family, to become distracted by Candy Crush - when one of the greatest pleasures is to get a message from someone close to you.  So, make yourself a cup of tea or coffee, fire up that email provider and scan through your contacts - find someone you've not been in touch with for a while and drop them a line.  Who knows where it might lead??