Trouble

When I woke up today the World seemed an OK place.
The sun was shining, my heart was still beating, I could hear my wife and daughter chattering away happily.
Not long later, a small touch of rot set in.  A comment taken the wrong way, a dig, a look - and suddenly wife and I were discussing splitting up. Who would move out? Who do we tell? Do we care??

It seemed so very real.  We have been irritating each other so much lately.  Every little thing grating on our nerves. So many things said taken the wrong way. Wondering daily why we were sticking at this.  Obviously unhappy.  Today seemed to be the last straw - and yet it wasn't anything major.  Neither of us have been unfaithful. We are not violent or abusive, controlling or anything like that.

We are under some strain.  Some ill health. Some work pressures. Financial pressure. This and that.  But we work well as a team. We share responsibility, take it in turns with the chores, support each other, do stuff together.  We work well together and usually communicate well.  Only a week or so before we'd been off all week together - decorating and doing jobs about the house. 9 whole days without a break from the myriad of jobs - some quite labour-intensive, yet we got on perfectly well.  Not a bad word.  So what changed?

My wife hit the nail on the head today as we discussed our issues.

We lack focus.

We have no particular goals.  When decorating we had a common aim.  A reason to work together, a plan, strategy, a direction to share.  But when you take that away from us you have two people just drifting along aimlessly.  We watch the same TV, eat the same food, but really we are just a teensy bit bored with it all.

And so, we have more time and energy to spare for petty bickering.

My wife and I have a pretty good relationship.  We are best friends, and we can communicate.  We are not afraid to speak up when something needs to be said.  We could have walked away from it - taken the easy way out, given up on almost 12 years of marriage, but in the end we did what we do best - we stuck at it and we talked it through.  It wasn't pleasant - admitting we were wrong, admitting we had taken each other for granted, admitting we'd let ourselves down, slipped into bad habits.

So - we are still together.  We have more talking to do.  We have to learn some new habits - get rid of a few old ones. We have to learn to be happy with each other again - but because we want to save it, we will save it.

Today we found out some people we know did the exact opposite today.

It put our predicament into perspective!

Twitter

I had a Twitter account, used it (badly)
(Sporadically)

In truth I had no idea what I was doing.  I had Followers.
I was Following.

I think I RT'd once.
HashTag

Come on, let's face it - I had NO idea.

So I deleted/deactivated my account.
But then I thought - I'm missing out on a chunk of InfoBites here.  I'm not getting as much inane drivel as I was used to.

So, I'm resurrected
@colinpearson14

Next on my list - Twitter for Dummies

Friendship? The Ship that Sailed.

I was thinking about my friend Helen today.  Well, no. I was thinking about Helen, who I thought was my friend.  Who once upon a time may have been a friend.  She's not my friend now.
You may think we had some major argument, that she or I did something terrible to the other.  You'd be wrong - she just changed jobs.

When we worked together she would chat to me about how crap her life was, and I would offer her sympathy, a non-judging ear.  I'd tell her how great she was, I would bolster her confidence in herself and make her feel positive about her world.  I was a shoulder to cry on, and a solid dependable rock to lean on.  I really thought I made a difference in her life.  That the years we knew each other were good times.

Then she left her job to pursue another career.

She dropped me from her Facebook friends.  She ignored my emails and texts.
Fearing I'd done something terribly wrong to her without knowing I emailed and asked what it was?  What had I done that cut her off from me?

She replied.  Nothing.  She was just really busy.  Of course she'd add me back on Facebook. Of course we were still friends.

And that, I'm afraid to say, was the last I ever heard from Helen.

Friends come and friends go.  Each friendship brings something with it and takes something away.  They alter our lives, guide us on our way through life.  They hold our hand when we're scared, teach us when we need to learn, salve us when we're hurt.  Usually they're mutual, a symbiotic relationship.  Usually.

I have only learned one thing from knowing Helen.  She was no friend.

Keeping in Touch

As I was on my laptop the other day playing Candy Crush, the TV on in the background, daughter upstairs in bed asleep, wife doing the same thing on her mobile phone, it occurred to me what a tiny insular life I was making myself live.

In this day and age of enhanced communication technology, I find myself actually communicating less than before computers and telephones were commonplace!  I used to spend hours writing a letter - 5 or 6 pages of A4 paper, both sides filled with chatter and trivia, sent via snail-mail, then await the reply - if you ever got one - weeks later.

Now, with e-mail, texts, blogs, Facebook, Twitter and websites at my disposal, I find myself playing Candy Crush!  I should be keeping in touch with my friends - a quick text, a poke, a tweet, and email.  I should be writing my daughter's journal, I should be adding a  page on here, I should be writing my own journal, I should be adding a page or two to my notebook.

So, the other day I went through my email account contacts, found someone I'd not spoken to since, well, since the last family funeral, and I sent them an email.  A few days later I got a fantastic reply - and the miles between us, the months between us, shrank to nothing.

I emailed my best mate - whose life is as busy and as full and as complicated as my own and who I never see these days.  Not got a reply from him yet, but hey - small steps huh?

I have written another few pages in my daughter's journal.  I've emailed her too.

And now I'm writing this.

In this day and age of almost effortless communication, it's easy to become complacent though.  It's easy to get sidetracked away from staying in touch with our friends and family, to become distracted by Candy Crush - when one of the greatest pleasures is to get a message from someone close to you.  So, make yourself a cup of tea or coffee, fire up that email provider and scan through your contacts - find someone you've not been in touch with for a while and drop them a line.  Who knows where it might lead??

I Can't Believe it's February!!

There I was, basking in the afterglow of the Christmas/New Year fallout, and suddenly it's February!
Almost Midwinter.  Then it'll be Spring in a few weeks, closely followed by Easter, and the clocks going forward.  Whilst I'm looking forward to the new buds, spring flowers, new life and the promise of summer, I also don't want my life to rush away too fast.
I'd quite like to languish in the cold and dismal-ness of Winter, thank you.  Like a thirsty person waiting for a drink of water, I would like my time to drift by slowly, as time was intended to pass, building an expectation of what is to come. What I don't want is my time to flash by unnoticed - hurrying along so fast that before I know it, my life is over and I've missed the cool bits.

New Year Approaches

Well, with Christmas slowly dropping behind us we have New Year approaching.
In this day and age of our high tech, busy lives. Governed by the atomic clock, electronic calendars, invitations and appointments on Facebook,  Global news on Twitter.
I like to look at the bare trees, the dark evenings and early mornings, the wild seas and the neglected fields and remind myself that, despite all the modern gadgets and gizmos, the World continues on as it has done for thousands of years.
When our ancestors decided to break down their lives in manageable chunks, inventing days of the week and months of the year (names after their Gods and revered leaders) and the Seasons - taking the path of the Sun and the Moon to mark auspicious occasions - Solstices - the highs and lows of the Year - they were in tune with their surroundings, in tune with Nature.
Festivals were held to celebrate these important occasions - Harvest Festival, Christmas, New Year, May Day. Charting the progress of the year and giving thanks for the bounty that Nature provides us all.
To celebrate the ending of the old year, to bring cheer and merriment during the cold dark months and look forward to a new beginning.  To mourn the passing of the old, ready to be reborn, resurrected into the New.
It's no wonder that so many of our Faiths and Beliefs reflect these ideologies and rituals.
They have been ingrained into us ever since we started tracking the herds to hunt, planting seeds to grow, sailing the seas to explore.
I only hope we never allow the technology to take us too far from this intrinsic bond with Nature and our World.

Christmas Cheer

Christmas is fast approaching and we as a family are all organised – no last minute rushing about for us.

I know that, to some people, that’s what Christmas is all about – the hectic bustle and mild panic of last-minute shopping, trying to get stuff wrapped up the night before, remembering at the last minute to post the overseas cards.

Not for me, thank you.  I fall into the Bah Humbug category – and am fortunate to have a very organised wife.  We have Christmas well under control from about June onwards, and if we actually hit December and the decorations are not up, the cards have not been sent, the presents not wrapped and the shopping done, then there’s something seriously amiss.

I don’t really enjoy Christmas – too much fuss and fake goodwill.  A good excuse to eat too much, drink too much and watch the usual roll-out of Christmas specials on the TV.

So, to all you people out there, please allow me to wish you a very Happy Christmas – I hope it brings you whatever it is you are looking for – be it Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All, or another glass of wine to go with the turkey sandwiches on Boxing day!