Breaking the Cycle

I was thinking about why I rarely write anymore.  Why I don't make scale models the way I used to - with care and attention.  Why, when I cook a meal, I do it half-hearted these days.  What's changed?

I was astounded to look at this blog a while ago and realise I'd not written a single word in over a year! My first thought was to blame the pandemic.  Being cooped up indoors mostly, the days all blurring into one.  Constantly looking ahead to when things will be better.  But that wasn't to blame.  If anything, lockdown afforded me more time to write, more time to make models, more time to reflect on the changes happening around me.

No, what I had was complacency.  My mind had become lazy.  Watching TV every evening, drinking alcohol most evenings, rarely going out for exercise/no exercise.  Slowly descending into a slump I didn't even see happening.  I was waiting for things to improve, for the sun to come out, for lockdown restrictions to ease, for the shops to open.  Always waiting.

This morning, having written my previous post on COVID in a bit of a drunken blur the other night, I realised I needed to stop waiting for something to happen that would change things for me.

I had to act.  Now.

Left to it's own devices, things would continue as they are indefinitely.  The sun would come out (has done countless times already) but that won't get me out of the house walking the dog, because when the sun did come out, I'd find some other excuse not to go out.  Restrictions have eased, but I've still not contacted my friends about popping around for coffee.  I feel comfortable in my slump.  It's become familiar, like hiding under the duvet.  The New Normal.  (I really hate that phrase!)

Today, I decided I'm going to be the change I'm waiting for. (ooh, almost a cliché)
I'm going to break the cycle of Get Up, Eat, Work, Eat, TV, Drink, Sleep, Repeat.  I'm not going to let the blurring continue.  

I'm going to make a conscious effort to be aware of my passing moments, To think about what is happening in this day and be grateful for it; and I think the emphasis needs to be on the word conscious.  To be aware that I'm mentally lazy and complacent and do something about it - because every day I allow to blur into another, is a day I've wasted.  

Well, that's my plan, so let's see how I get on.  If my next post on this blog is in a year's time you'll know I've not kept to it!

COVID - May 2021

 May 2021
Great Britain - Cornwall

We have entered the third phase of our lockdown easing of restrictions just a few days ago.  We can now meet up to 6 people from two households indoors, eat in, go to the cinema.  The end is in sight.

Instead of hundreds, thousands dying daily, we have less than 20.  We might be at the end of that tunnel at long last.

For 14 months we have been a World gripped by a virus - one that not only kills, but disables and destroys - via long-term after effects. via fear, by dividing nations. Rich vs Poor, Black vs White.  But the virus doesn't care who it infects.  I'm not here to discuss social injustice - this isn't a soapbox - it's just a page to write upon.

Over a year of not eating out and feeling safe.  Not going to the cinema.  No holidays abroad.
Wearing masks in shops.  Hand sanitiser.  Washing hands more than usual.
Walking into the road to pass someone on the pavement.  Not shaking hands or hugging.
Working from home.

I am a non-sociable person.  I don't get out much - so for me a year of lockdown is a year of not having to make excuses why I can't go to the work's night out.  But even I have found that it has affected me in ways I find disturbing.  If friends come by to say Hi now, I still keep my distance.  The thought of having someone in my home is scary.  I want to wipe everything that might be contaminated with anti-bacterial wipes.

This isn't going away any time soon!

When we talk about holidays - the thought of going abroad, getting on a crowded plane with self-contained air is like asking me to lick a petri dish pulled out of a CDC incubator.  Why?  Not only do I not want to catch this virus, but I wouldn't want to spread it either.  

Watching TV series now, like NCIS and Station 19 and Grays Anatomy - all filmed during COVID, with them all wearing masks and social distancing - we'll re-watch these in years to come and say "Oh yeah, that was the pandemic" - and we'll forget that we had a year of isolation and fear, buying everything online and not going out unless we had to. Of people all over the world dying in the thousands every day.

I am humbled by how well we've coped with this.  How well we have adapted and how hard we have worked to keep it under control, and how hard we have worked to keep things going in the face of this world-wide life-threatening virus.  I am proud of the people that have striven to protect us, treat us when we're ill, develop a vaccine, secure jobs, keep industry going, keep the economy afloat, maintain our way of life as best they can.

I want to say Thank You - to every single person out there that did something - no matter how small, to keep us going, that kept us safe, throughout this bleakest of bleak, harsh, devastating years.

Thank You!