You, Me and a whole world of difference.

I was thinking today about that old adage "treat people how you would like to be treated", and I think I've come to a startling conclusion.

It doesn't work!

For example, kindness - you do an act of kindness to someone that is already kind, and they reciprocate. It's in their nature to, because they're kind.

You do an act of kindness to someone that's mean and selfish, and they take it and think "what a sucker!" Because they just got something for nothing, they have no need to reciprocate, because it's not in their nature to be unselfish. So they gain and you lose. You think you have the moral high ground, but in actual fact they're laughing at you. They don't care about moral high ground.

Then there's cruelty. A person is cruel and malicious, spreading vile lies, hurting people because it's fun. You turn the other cheek, accept their lies with a shrug, think you're the better person for not hitting back. Meanwhile people believe their lies and your reputation takes a nosedive.

If you try and retaliate, you know what happens? Everyone thinks you're despicable because you, the nice kind thoughtful you, just did something so mean!

Their sticks and stones do break your bones, their words also hurt you. But your feeble attempt to redress the balance ends up hurting you more. Not only from other people's reactions, but also your own conscience, which pricks you deep and makes you feel unworthy.

You can't win.

So, if you are a good, kind and thoughtful person - expect to be taken advantage of. It's the burden you must bear in silence. There will always be mean and cruel people out there just waiting for you to come along. You will not change them, because there's no profit in it for them to change.

I think this is why we hope for a God, a Heaven, something that's going to redress the balance one day, allow the meek to inherit, allow the righteous to finally get some payback. Watch those mean, cruel people writhe in Hell. "What goes around comes around". We hope that's true, we hope there is justice in the World - because deep down we know, if there isn't, we're onto a loser!

My Shed

I, like many men out there (and a good few women too) have a shed. It's a normal shed - 8 x 5, one door, pent roof, one window that opens, one that doesn't.

Nothing much to look at, nothing special.

Apart from the fact that it's MY shed. I have total control over that domain. It's my space, my volume. Within it are MY things, arranged the way I want. I have normal shelving and small shelves between the wooden supports, nooks and crannies, drawers, cubby holes and hidey-holes.

It has a work bench, a vice, tools and gadgets.

I have glass jars with bolts, washers and jigsaw blades. I have storage trays with assortments of nails, screws, hooks and all sorts of bits and pieces.

It has tools I bought, tools I inherited from my father-in-law, tools I inherited from HIS father-in-law.

Other guys have commented on my shed - how neat, well stocked, well organised it is.

I'm secretly proud.

I have off-cuts of wood. Steel, copper and plastic piping, plumbing and electrical spares.

I can happily spend hours in my 8 x 5 space, tinkering. I can see me in years to come, smoking my pipe, sipping a tot of whiskey, pretending I can't hear the wife or daughter calling me.

I have a heater to keep it snug in winter.

It's a place to escape, a place to tinker, to fix things, to ponder and create. My 5 year old daughter looks upon it with awe - to set foot inside is a rare treat. I feel like saying to her "One day, all this will be yours!"

I love my shed!

Good Times

I was walking along with my daughter the other day, chatting about princesses and dragons, and the general lack of evil fairies - like you do, and she asked me why the flowers die.

OK, well, my first (Buddhist) answer was, "well honey, all things die - the flowers have had their time to bloom and be pretty, and their little life is over until next year."

"Have they gone to Heaven?" She then asked.

I told her that they probably didn't go to Heaven, because part of them was still alive underground - waiting for next Spring. It was more like going to sleep for a whole year.

"Are you going to die Daddy?"

"Yep. Sometime. Hopefully not for another 53 years though."

(I'm planning on living to be 100 - it's a nice round figure.)

And so the conversation went on - soon to drift back to evil fairy queens and princes with horses that talk.

But that naturally led me to think about the whole mortality thing, and how we cannot take the smallest thing for granted, because, truly, we really don't know when the end will come, do we?

I was going home from work in London one day and was trying to decide, take the tube from St James to Embankment and then main line from Charing Cross, or walk to Victoria and take the main line from there. I stood for about 5 minutes trying to decide, but in the end took the tube to Embankment.

When I got home I turned on the TV and there on the news, news flash, a bomb had detonated at Victoria station, many killed and injured...

So, my point is - be aware of your own mortality - I don't mean be morbid, wrap yourself in perpetual sorrow, constantly look for signs of your imminent demise - I mean just be aware that at some point, it'll happen. Hopefully not for many many years, but how would you feel if you have a tiff with your wife, son, daughter, husband, mother - and they take the mainline train from Victoria that day?

I watched Remember Me on Sky movies the other evening and was amazed at how it ended. It made me realise we should not take our lives for granted. Look for the good times in every day, leave the bad stuff behind, keep your disagreements short and don't part with loved ones in anger.

Isolation

I was driving along the other day when I think I discovered something. I was watching how other drivers were so intent on their own little bubble of being that they were (on the whole) totally oblivious to the other road users - like the car waiting to pull out for, oh, forever. Or the car behind flashing its lights because the one in front's indicators were still flashing two miles down the road.

Then I realised it's not just drivers. It's just people. The guy in the queue in front of me dropped some cash on the floor, so I picked it up and tapped him on the shoulder, and, well, several taps later and a loudish "excuse me" and he finally acknowledges me.

Then there are the people that stand right in the doorway having a chat with a friend - totally oblivious to the hoards of other people all trying to squeeze through.

There are the people that insist on getting on the bus whilst people are trying to get off.

And so I have come to the conclusion that, it seems, most people do not see, or know, or care what goes on outside their little bubble. The rest of the world isn't real. The people walking by are just extras in the background of the film that's playing outside of their peripheral vision.

Now obviously I'm generalising - I know for the most part, we all live in our bubbles, and we all venture our consciousness outside of them occasionally, maybe even frequently. But my theory is people rarely pay the slightest bit of attention to other people unless it's likely to impact upon them, because they're totally wrapped up in their own little world.

I don't mean this to sound harsh. I'm not saying people are selfish, or self-centred. I'm just saying that, well, they don't know the guy that's been waiting to pull out of that side road for the last 5 minutes, and anyway, they're in a hurry themselves, and why should they be the one to slow down and give the guy a break? No one would bother doing it for them, right?

I invite your comments - because I personally would like to change the world. I would like to see more cooperation, more giving way, more consideration for others. Less being so wrapped up in our own worlds that we forget there are 6 billion other people out there too, all struggling day to day the same as we are - and that maybe, the next time you're waiting to pull out of that side road, the person that lets you out just read this the day before!

Change

Welcome back - welcome forwards - welcome to 2011.

We all make decisions to change our ways in the New Year - we wish each other good luck, good health, prosperity and new opportunities in the New Year, don't we?

Well, my new year resolution is going to be to treat each day as a New Year's Day - and I'm going to wish everyone - not just those people I know, but everyone in the World, whether they be atheist, Muslim, Taoist, New Age, stupendously healthy or very very ill. No matter what country of the world they live in or come from, no matter what their belief or culture - I'm going to wish them good things throughout 2011.

Peace, Friendship, Love, Goodwill.

My gifts to the World for 2011

Happy New Year!

Life and This Wonderful World

I had a real "isn't this all wonderful" moment today. I was sat in Waterstones book store sipping my cappuccino with extra shot, watching a father comfort his upset daughter because she'd burnt her lip on her hot chocolate. Out the window my beautiful city was going about its pre-Christmas business and all was right with the world!

I posted on my Facebook profile that I loved this life and this world, despite its flaws - and I meant it. The world may be a place of horror and fear for some people, it might be squalid and diseased to others, unfair, destructive, sick and evil - but the World is what it is - Planet Earth, beautiful in every way.

This planet knows nothing of good or evil - it just IS.

The people that populate it are what they are - a diverse and interesting mix of people; with differing ideals and beliefs. Some hate others, some wish only to look for love. There is racism and idealism, tolerance and intolerance, religion and fanaticism, wisdom and ignorance, hard work and sloth.

This Life is all I have, and so I love it. I love it for what it is. It is like a lump of clay that fills my palm - I cannot build a house with such a small amount, I cannot make a tree from it that will grow and produce fruit. I can only work with what I have. Like a poker player, I have to play with the cards I am dealt, and make the best with what I have - and so I do not yearn for more, I do not seek bigger, better, greater things. I do not try to understand all things, but by the same token, I do not disregard that which I do not understand.

I try to live in harmony with all things, accept all things, behave towards all things how I would wish them to behave towards me. I do not hate other races "because my father hates them", I choose to make my own opinions and my own decisions - and I hate no one. Well, almost - I'm not that keen on people that steal and lie - but hey, I'm only human, right?

Anyway - sipping my coffee, watching the world go by, thinking of my family and friends - I realise, truly, how LUCKY I am, how blessed I am, how truly Honoured I am, to have a moment in this World, this Life, to experience these wonderful things and to be a part of them.

I hope, by now, you do too.

Life's Little Struggles

There I was , thinking the other day, "Why can't I just have it easy for once?"

Life does like to present us with a few obstacles every now and then, doesn't it?

Sometimes more than a few - more than we deserve, eh?

Well, I got a theory.

(Yeah, I know you already knew that... just give me a sec)

We all know that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

We know that every trial brings its reward.

We know that the lessons hardest learned are easiest remembered.

And so on.

So, my theory is - Life is Hard to Teach Us.

Yep - that's it.

I think we have all these trials to teach us to be better, smarter, faster, more resilient, more creative, more honest, more empathic, more wise, more compassionate, more centred, more loving, more giving, more enlightened.

I think every hardship brings a greater reward.

This is all true. I know it is - so do you.

But

What's the point?

Ultimately, we're all going to die.

So what's the point being smart, creative, loving, honest, centred etc when you're dead?

All that struggling, and then pthhhuuh, Game Over.

Like the saying goes "Life's a Bitch, and then you die."

Well, I think we go through all this so that we can make life easier for the next generation.

For everything I learn the hard way, I'm hoping my daughter will get there a bit quicker and less painfully as I did - so yes, it will be worth it in the end.

Maybe that's the point? Maybe we really do live on in our kids?

I'll tell you one thing that's certain though - no matter how hard things get, I always keep one eye on the end, because I know it'll pass, and when it does I'll come out the other end a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser and who knows, maybe my daughter will too?