Terrorism, Diplomacy and the Importance of Communication.

Before I start writing about this, I do not profess to be an expert on any of this, nor do I claim to be right about these things – I’m just throwing some ideas out there.  I’m hoping it might encourage people to think of different methods to get their point across.  I’m not implying that an act of terrorism or brutality is the same as a child throwing a tantrum – it’s just an analogy.

What is terrorism?  It’s an act, or series of acts, designed to instil terror or fear.

What is the point of terrorism?  To use fear to gain something – but what?  With the IRA attacks it was to bring about opposing British rule in Ireland.

(https://www.thoughtco.com/guide-to-the-irish-republican-army-3209135)

Eventually though, it was negotiation, diplomacy and communication that brought about an end to hostilities and the removal of British troops from Northern Ireland.  A change in the way a government thinks, a compromise, a bit of give and take.

Next up, Brexit – we hear daily about “negotiations” with the EU about what the UK wants as part of its exit deal.  There seems to be an awful lot of demanding and not much agreeing going on. 

Finally, there’s the terrorist attacks by ISIS.  We are suffering these atrocities – but in the name of what?  What do they want to gain by it?  As far as I can tell, no one has actually said what they want to gain.  So, is it terrorism just for the hell of it, or is there something they want?  If the latter, then maybe someone needs to ask the question – “What do you want?” And actually open a discussion with the people organising all this.  Few negotiations are clean – they often involve disagreements, compromises, and base-lines that one side or the other refuses to budge on.  But until we start communicating, nothing is really being achieved – other than senseless killing of innocent people.

When my daughter decided to throw a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket over something she wanted there and then, I didn’t cave into her demands (fear of embarrassment, desire for a quiet life, escape from accusing/disapproving stares) and I didn’t respond with aggression (shouting, smacking, threats of “just wait ‘til I get you home!”  No.  What I did was kneel down in front of her and I said “Let’s pop  outside for a minute” and I took her, kicking and screaming, outside.

There, once the audience was gone, she calmed down a bit.  I quietly explained that I wasn’t going to give in to her tantrums – we could either go back into the store and finish our shopping, or we could go home without anything nice for tea.  We finished our shopping in peace.  When we got home, I praised her for her new behaviour, and said that if she wanted something another time, to ask for it – but if I didn’t think she should have it, I would give her a reason why.  We never had another tantrum.

I don’t believe violence and aggression is a valid way to get what you want.  It’s bullying – something we are all against (unless we’re the bully of course!)  Violence does not build trust and respect.  It doesn’t make people want to listen to your reasons or believe your beliefs – it does the opposite. 

Peaceful negotiation, simple discussion, being open and honest about your needs and wants – being prepared to give some ground here to gain some there – accept compromise where possible and be firm, but polite, on the things you cannot yield.

But what if terrorism is just for the hell of it?  Like the school bully that hurts you just because they like to see you cry? Because it makes them feel in control? I can’t answer that I’m afraid.  When I was bullied, I just put up with it until one day something sparked inside the bully’s head – he looked at me as the tears roll down my cheeks and asked me why I was crying.  I told him that repeatedly thumping me in the arm hurt.  A lot.  And for some reason, this made him stop – just like that.  No more bullying from him again.  Do we just put up with the bombings and driving vehicles into crowds of people, hoping one day that the organisers of these acts see that it’s achieving nothing real in the big scheme of things? 

Will it just, one day, stop?
I hope so – I hope that day is today.  But never once did I think hitting that bully back would do anything other than make him hit me harder and more often.