Busy

As I walked to my office from the car earlier I noticed the russet and golden colour of the falling leaves, the slight chill in the air, the smell of early fireworks in the air and it suddenly occurred to me that it's November.
So basically, I have been so busy this year, I've managed to miss whole months of it without really noticing!

I said that sentence in my head, and for a brief moment, I believed it!  But it's not true - I have noticed the passing of time and never once did I decide to stop and pay any attention to it.  I have been busy, but not so busy that I couldn't reflect on the day, week or month that I've lived in.

When I think now about the year that has almost passed, I can pick out many memorable occasions, things done, films seen, meals eaten, stories read and so on - so it has hardly rushed by in a blur!

It's funny how we "blame" being busy for not paying attention - and that's essentially what I've done this year - I have allowed myself to be lazy, to not pay attention. In Buddhist terminology I have not lived in the moment.  I have not been mindful, and as a result of this, I am approaching Christmas thinking I've lost a lot of the year - but this is my own misconception - so rather than blame being busy, I think I'll blame not paying attention - something I know my long suffering wife will agree with!

An Unlikely Meeting of Souls.

So, there I was, chatting to my friend in the States on Facebook. Unremarkable in itself I suppose?
I first met my friend in a virtual farmer's market, looking for work.  I cannot remember now whether I hired her first or she hired me, but whatever happened, we said Hi, like you do, and swapped polite pleasantries.

We each rehired the other on an almost daily basis, and from there became "friends" on Facebook.
I know more about this new friend whom I have never met than some of my "real" friends.  We keep in touch, and I like that we've met through these odd circumstances.

I have another friend in the States that I met exactly the same way.

Once upon a time we would have met on a cruise, or a holiday somewhere.  Rarely do these holiday friendships last though.  You are forced together by your circumstances, often you share a dining table, or a spot at the beach.  But this Facebook game was somehow very different.  To this day, Debbie and I have never met, and never physically spoken to each other.  Nor have Aprille and I - and yet our friendships have endured despite this limitation!

Friendship is an amazing thing.  I have worked with people for years, but would not count them as my friends. I have known some of my "friends" for years, but know next to nothing about them, and always forget their birthdays.  There are some people I would go out of my way to help and support, but they are not my friends.  There are people that I thought were my friends, but obviously they are not. (See blog entry Friendship? That Ship Has Sailed)

So, how can total strangers meet in a virtual farm on a social network site, and in less that 10 minutes, decide they want to meet up again?  How can they then form a friendship that lasts years with only occasional, sporadic contact?  What is it about the way our minds work that allow us to make such amazing judgements in such a short time?  When I ask Debbie why she re-hired me that day, she said "Because you were a gentleman".  Something about our first meeting impressed her enough to chance another.

So, be careful what first impression you make - whether it is at a party, in a crisis, or at an interview.  That first impression will count.  And a lot of people out there think "oh well, if I fluff my first impression, I can always redeem my reputation next time!" Sadly, if you fluff your first impression, you'll be lucky if there is a next time!

So I'm grateful that my first impression with Debbie and Aprille meant there was a second!
Our lives are bound together by these amazing, complicated connections - these unlikely meetings of souls!

Spring

Well, today it's definitely spring!
The sun is shining, the birds are singing.  I saw a butterfly flit by on a gentle breeze.
I went for a walk in my shirt sleeves and didn't feel the chill.
Spring has definitely sprung now.

And with it comes the need for sloughing off the winter encumbrances - those few extra pounds in weight, the lack of exercise, the over-dependence on alcohol (to lift those winter blues), and the under-dependence on fresh fruit and veg.

Spring brings with it a need to abandon the lethargy and find some new life.  To turf out the old ways and look for something dynamic and driven.  No more hiding under the duvet, listening to the howling wind and driving rain - now the country lane beckons - "Walk down me with your dog!", or "Cycle down me and admire those stunning views!"

The beach transforms from rugged endurance course to leisurely strolling place.
The woodland walks from sucking mud pit to bluebell carpeted enchantment.

The spirits are lifted, the blood is stirred, and thoughts of inactivity are replaced with picnics, exploring and a desire to "get outside for some fresh air".

I like spring!

Time Management

Well, here I am again - and a long time has passed since my last blog entry.
Now, it's not because I've not wanted to post anything, and it's not because I've been too busy - it's mainly down to time management.

I have often lamented that there are not enough hours in the day, if only I had more time etc etc., but if I'm going to be totally honest, it's most likely just poor planning on my part.  I could easily fit all the things in that I need to do, or want to do, if I just organised my time better.

I will spend time playing Tower Madness on my smartphone when I could be texting or emailing a friend.  I dither about in StumbleUpon rather than spending time in my shed.  I browse Listverse when I could be making muffins.

My trouble is, I like these distractions.  I like to laze in the bath for an hour.  I like to watch a film, make model kits in my shed, and I also like writing - writing this blog, or my sibling blog on Military Modelling, owr writing the journal I have kept for my daughter since the day she was born.  (She is 8 now).  But I find I need to be in the right mood to write - whereas I can muddle through the other activities.  Writing, to me, demands a much greater attention and so cannot just be squeezed in between other jobs.

What I think I need to do is list all the things I like to do, and work my way through the list until I cover them all - including scheduling time to write.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom

Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away. George Carlin

Mornings

I like mornings.
The early start to the day before most other people are up.
The list of jobs to do, a loose schedule, time management at it's best. 
The first cup of coffee. 
Quick look at the news. Check into the World. 
School run. 
Commute to work. 
Never sure what the day will bring. 
Mornings are the start to the Unknown Quantity.

Trouble

When I woke up today the World seemed an OK place.
The sun was shining, my heart was still beating, I could hear my wife and daughter chattering away happily.
Not long later, a small touch of rot set in.  A comment taken the wrong way, a dig, a look - and suddenly wife and I were discussing splitting up. Who would move out? Who do we tell? Do we care??

It seemed so very real.  We have been irritating each other so much lately.  Every little thing grating on our nerves. So many things said taken the wrong way. Wondering daily why we were sticking at this.  Obviously unhappy.  Today seemed to be the last straw - and yet it wasn't anything major.  Neither of us have been unfaithful. We are not violent or abusive, controlling or anything like that.

We are under some strain.  Some ill health. Some work pressures. Financial pressure. This and that.  But we work well as a team. We share responsibility, take it in turns with the chores, support each other, do stuff together.  We work well together and usually communicate well.  Only a week or so before we'd been off all week together - decorating and doing jobs about the house. 9 whole days without a break from the myriad of jobs - some quite labour-intensive, yet we got on perfectly well.  Not a bad word.  So what changed?

My wife hit the nail on the head today as we discussed our issues.

We lack focus.

We have no particular goals.  When decorating we had a common aim.  A reason to work together, a plan, strategy, a direction to share.  But when you take that away from us you have two people just drifting along aimlessly.  We watch the same TV, eat the same food, but really we are just a teensy bit bored with it all.

And so, we have more time and energy to spare for petty bickering.

My wife and I have a pretty good relationship.  We are best friends, and we can communicate.  We are not afraid to speak up when something needs to be said.  We could have walked away from it - taken the easy way out, given up on almost 12 years of marriage, but in the end we did what we do best - we stuck at it and we talked it through.  It wasn't pleasant - admitting we were wrong, admitting we had taken each other for granted, admitting we'd let ourselves down, slipped into bad habits.

So - we are still together.  We have more talking to do.  We have to learn some new habits - get rid of a few old ones. We have to learn to be happy with each other again - but because we want to save it, we will save it.

Today we found out some people we know did the exact opposite today.

It put our predicament into perspective!