Sarcasm and Irony

We all despise sarcasm. Well, OK, maybe not all of us. And maybe despise is a strong word.
Most of us don't like sarcasm. But children do not understand sarcasm or irony in conversation. They take what you say at face value. So, to protect them from misinterpreting a sarcastic comment as the literal truth, we have to educate them in the ways of sarcasm. Otherwise they're going to be in big trouble when they get older. And yet none of us like to be on the receiving end of sarcasm.

I watched the Invention of Lying on the plane the other day - I had no headphones - too tight to buy some, so I tried to lip-read it. Only partially successful - but I think I got the gist.

But that led me to think about lying, and sarcasm - which is lying but in a heavily accented form designed to make you aware that the person is lying. So if it's that obvious - why do we do it? Why use sarcasm at all? I use sarcasm when someone asks me what, to me, is a stupid question. You walk in, soaking wet, and they say "Oh, is it raining?" "Nooo, my shower at home only runs cold so I wore my clothes to keep warm."

No, it's not funny. We want sarcasm to be funny - but usually it's just irritating.

So, I'm starting a campaign to stop sarcasm. Wouldn't that be ironic?

Mind Reading

It occurs to me today how much better off we are not being able to hear other people's thoughts, and vice versa. I caught myself thinking something that I truely would not have wanted to share with the person I was talking to.

Nooo.

And yet, I sit and wonder what other people are thnking all the time. Are they telling the truth? Why do they seem to dislike me so much? What have I forgotten? Am I in trouble? We try to use subtle clues to give us these answers - reading body language, nuances in expression, reading between the lines of the spoken words. I am rubbish as it. Truely, I am.
I always end up just asking "Are you lying?", "Why do you dislike me so much?" and so on - and then try and fathom out whether their replies are truthful - hoping that twitch of an eye, suppressed smile, nervous twitch, is a clue.

I long for the truth - I never lie, myself. It's too much like hard work. Far easier to tell the truth - but maybe just censor the bits that might not be so welcome. If someone asks me a question and they might not like the answer, I wrap that bad news in a bit of something nicer - but I still tell the truth. If everyone did that, life would be a lot more painful, but a lot easier too. At least we'd know where we stood.

personal perspective or self-perception

I'm walking along the street, and I see people looking at me. I''m not Brad Pitt, I'm not shining in the sun like Edward Cullen, I'm not followed by an entourage of PA's, PR's and Paparazzi. I catch myself wondering what they're looking at. I even glance behind me in case Brad Pitt's there.

It occurs to me that they might be looking at me because I'm looking at them? But no, they started it. It was them looking at me that made me look at them. Are they having a similar conversation in their heads (substituting Angelina Jolie and Alice Cullen instead).

Which made me think about self perception. I look in the mirror and I see an ugly bloke. My wife tells me I'm handsome. I can't see it myself - so who do I believe? My own eyes, or hers?
When these people look across the street at me, are they thinking "Heck, He's unattractive!" (Or words to that effect) or are they thinking "Wow, I want a bit of that!" ??

I wish I knew.
What would I do with that knowledge if I did know? How would it affect my self-image? Would I suddenly suck the tummy in a bit more, puff the chest out a bit? Swagger???
Oh, maybe I'm better of ignorant of the truth? I can pretend they're thinking "He is SO cool!" and just let a little lift hit my stride. Delusional but happy?

Choice and Stress

Have you noticed how having so much choice these days is stressful? I can't go shopping on my own anymore, because the list says "Pears, Melon, Apples" and yet when I get to the store, there are 5 different types of pears, four different types of melon, 7 different types of apple. So, which one? Green or Red? Sweet or sharp? English, French or Argentinian? Organic, Free-Range or reared in appalling conditions to maintain their cheapness?
I just know that if I choose wrong, I'll be questioned as to my choice when I got home - "Why did you get these? You know I like..." In that case, perhaps the list should have said "Sharp, green apples"?
When I was a child, I was on holiday caravanning, and my foster family sent me to the little on site shop to by some nice (as in pleasant) biscuits. I duly returned with Nice (as in coconutty) biscuits - which they all hated, and there was merry hell to pay. I was 6 years old - I followed my instructions to the literal letter. I think this experience has clouded my shopping experience forever more. Maybe that's why I find having too much choice so stressful?

First Attempt (draft)

Where do I start?
What's the first thing people write on Day One of their blogging experience? Hello?
Welcome to my Blog?

At the moment I'm struggling to see what possible interest there might be in what I have to write - but then I live in a world where sometimes the most mundane things are of spectacular interest.

So, why am I doing this?
Well, firstly - I'm tired of talking to myself. Not that I have to, of course. There are plenty of people around me I could talk to - people that would love nothing more than a meaningful conversation. No, I'm talking about that inane drivel that circulates in my head that basically doesn't see the light of day. Stuff too trivial to try working into a real "live" conversation.

And secondly, as the title says, it's an exercise - an experiment - and I suspect it'll be a futile one.
But only time will tell.

So, explanations over, time for an Introduction.
My name is Gladiator.
Nooo, only kidding.

I'm Collywobs. I'm a male in my 40's, resident of the UK, employed meaningfully and happily.
Husband and Father, friend to few, aquaintance to a few more.

I only share that information because I don't want anyone to be mislead into thinking I'm something I'm not.

I find myself actually afraid of talking to strangers - not because I'm afraid of what they might do to me - I can look after myself - no, but because I'm afraid of what they might fear of me. Do they think I'm after something? Will they automatically assume I'm trying to lure them in for some deviant purpose? Or, worse still, convince them to part with their cash or identity for my own selfish gain?

Well, let me just make it clear from the start. I'm not.
But then again, if I were - would I admit to it? Maybe this is a bluff? A double bluff??
Or maybe it's just what it is - the simple truth.

OK, I think that's enought for now. Maybe by the time I come to write some more, it'll actually be something interesting?