Life and This Wonderful World

I had a real "isn't this all wonderful" moment today. I was sat in Waterstones book store sipping my cappuccino with extra shot, watching a father comfort his upset daughter because she'd burnt her lip on her hot chocolate. Out the window my beautiful city was going about its pre-Christmas business and all was right with the world!

I posted on my Facebook profile that I loved this life and this world, despite its flaws - and I meant it. The world may be a place of horror and fear for some people, it might be squalid and diseased to others, unfair, destructive, sick and evil - but the World is what it is - Planet Earth, beautiful in every way.

This planet knows nothing of good or evil - it just IS.

The people that populate it are what they are - a diverse and interesting mix of people; with differing ideals and beliefs. Some hate others, some wish only to look for love. There is racism and idealism, tolerance and intolerance, religion and fanaticism, wisdom and ignorance, hard work and sloth.

This Life is all I have, and so I love it. I love it for what it is. It is like a lump of clay that fills my palm - I cannot build a house with such a small amount, I cannot make a tree from it that will grow and produce fruit. I can only work with what I have. Like a poker player, I have to play with the cards I am dealt, and make the best with what I have - and so I do not yearn for more, I do not seek bigger, better, greater things. I do not try to understand all things, but by the same token, I do not disregard that which I do not understand.

I try to live in harmony with all things, accept all things, behave towards all things how I would wish them to behave towards me. I do not hate other races "because my father hates them", I choose to make my own opinions and my own decisions - and I hate no one. Well, almost - I'm not that keen on people that steal and lie - but hey, I'm only human, right?

Anyway - sipping my coffee, watching the world go by, thinking of my family and friends - I realise, truly, how LUCKY I am, how blessed I am, how truly Honoured I am, to have a moment in this World, this Life, to experience these wonderful things and to be a part of them.

I hope, by now, you do too.

Life's Little Struggles

There I was , thinking the other day, "Why can't I just have it easy for once?"

Life does like to present us with a few obstacles every now and then, doesn't it?

Sometimes more than a few - more than we deserve, eh?

Well, I got a theory.

(Yeah, I know you already knew that... just give me a sec)

We all know that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

We know that every trial brings its reward.

We know that the lessons hardest learned are easiest remembered.

And so on.

So, my theory is - Life is Hard to Teach Us.

Yep - that's it.

I think we have all these trials to teach us to be better, smarter, faster, more resilient, more creative, more honest, more empathic, more wise, more compassionate, more centred, more loving, more giving, more enlightened.

I think every hardship brings a greater reward.

This is all true. I know it is - so do you.

But

What's the point?

Ultimately, we're all going to die.

So what's the point being smart, creative, loving, honest, centred etc when you're dead?

All that struggling, and then pthhhuuh, Game Over.

Like the saying goes "Life's a Bitch, and then you die."

Well, I think we go through all this so that we can make life easier for the next generation.

For everything I learn the hard way, I'm hoping my daughter will get there a bit quicker and less painfully as I did - so yes, it will be worth it in the end.

Maybe that's the point? Maybe we really do live on in our kids?

I'll tell you one thing that's certain though - no matter how hard things get, I always keep one eye on the end, because I know it'll pass, and when it does I'll come out the other end a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser and who knows, maybe my daughter will too?

Busy

I've been very busy. Oh yes, I have.

I've filled my days with chores and work, jobs that have needed doing but I've never had the time.

Jobs that need doing before winter sets in, before the family get home, before the light fades.

Get up and straight into the action, rush here, grab that, dash off, fill my hours with 60 minutes of busy.

But I'm sat here now thinking of all the stuff I've missed today. I almost missed coffee with my wife at lunchtime because I was so busy. I almost missed chatting with my daughter on the way home from school because I was too busy thinking about cooking tea when I got in. I missed the sunset because I was too busy doing something else.

Do you know - it's nearly October and I can only account for about three months! All the rest of this year has been swept away in a blur of busy. That's time I'll never get back!

So, take a tip from me - make sure your not so busy that you miss your life passing by. Take a few moments every now and then during the day to pause, take a breath and take stock of what's going on. "Be present in the moment." as Zen Buddhists say.

Apocalypse?

It started, I think, with Revelations. Nostradamus took up the baton - although I suspect there were many others in between proclaiming "the end is nigh", but as the written word was rare in "those" days, it's not surprising we don't know about their warnings.

But in this last decade we have a glut of apocalypse movies - The Day The earth Stood Still (remake), The Day After Tomorrow, 2012... Those are the ones that trip off my tongue, but I know there are more.

It seems we, er... I mean "We" are aware of the damage we are doing to this planet.. ooh, Medicine Man, that's another from, er, 1992 - depicts the unseen damage caused by mass deforestation bu corporate giants... The damage we are doing, and yet seem incapable of halting, to this planet.

What amazes me is the myopic nature of these greedy giants. Gas guzzling vehicles, power hungry systems, non-green power sources, unsustainability. Is no one thinking "what about my grandchildren?"

Apparently not!

We have the knowledge, the technology, the capability. It's not like we are ignorant. It's not like we don't know how to save ourselves. No. Alas, it's all about hard cash. Because if!t's hard to charge for free stuff! Run a car off solar power - no petrol needs, no exorbitant taxes, no desire to control the governments of oil-rich countries, no politics, no profits, no power. (In the Political sense, I mean). Politics - it meant Policy - something the majority decided was the best course of action - not a short-sighted, knee-jerk reaction. In those days they lived in harmony with their environment, they didn't consume it at a rate faster than it could regenerate.

Every person that wished to attend a debate was entitled to, and their say was heard - from the lowest person to the highest - each voice was equal. That was Democracy. If you could not be bothered to attend, or chose not to speak, well - so be it. You left your fate in the hands of another. Democracy these days seems to entail invading another country and telling them to behave like you. Nay, forcing them to. When I vote, I vote for someone I hope will reflect my views in Government - but I as an individual really don't have much say. In a true democracy, my voice - and I mean MY voice, would be heard.

Anyway, back to the point - a glut of Apocalypse themes - we know we're close to self-destruction - but my question is this Why are only those that already know this, listening?

I first noticed the leaves turning, green fading to brown, a few weeks ago. July - I mean, what's all that about? I did wonder whether it was rust - all the rain we've had, but no - it's definitely early-onset autumn! The wind has picked up to gusty. Not quite what Beaufort would call a gale, but not far off. The handkerchief would definitely not fall at one's feet.

And so I've come to the conclusion that winter isn't far off - but I'm not saddened by this. No, instead I look forward to an end to the damp heat that makes me sit infront of a desk fan all day.

I look forward to winter like a tired man looks forward to his bed.

Missing You

Isn't it funny how you can miss something so badly that you think your soul can break. No, not break. If it broke, you'd be dead and it would all be over - but no, there is no such mercy. No - breaking would be good. Instead it just withers, wanes, fades, shrivels - so most of the LIFE drains out of it, but it stays there - enough to keep you in some sort of mean, cruel existence.

Actually, no - it's not funny. No way can it be funny. Not even "funny" as in "odd" and "weird". Missing something, someone, so badly that you think the world should just end right there and then to put you out of your misery - even if it means billions of other people have to die - that's not funny by any definition of the word.

So - for any of you out there that are missing someone or something so bad you'd destroy the World in an instant just to get it back, I'm saying; "I understand, I empathise, I truly appreciate what you're going through."

I'm sending you a HUG coz I suspect you need one!

Karma

Karma. Most people see it as a see-saw, a balance of good vs bad. Unfortunately I don't think it's as simple as that. It would be easy to see Karma as some kind of cosmic Sage accounting package, balancing credits and debits - but all that would mean is; do enough good and you're off the hook when you do something bad. That doesn't work for me.

I once tried to explain it to a friend - for every bad act, a good one cancels it out - but that's not right. I can do a good act, say, help a friend dig their garden. So far, it's good. But then I wait for a thank you and already I'm turning my good deed into a bad one, because I'm seeking a reward, and to do an act expecting a reward (even if that reward is praise) is showing greed, a motive, a want. So my selfless act was actually a slightly selfish one - I'm looking for a pat on the back, a reward.

Not good.

Therefore I try to keep my deeds as selfless as possible. It's not always easy, but the fact that I'm consciously doing this must mean more good acts than bad ones.

My Karma is good.

: D

LOVE

I told my daughter today that LOVE is the biggest thing. It's bigger than sadness, bigger than pain and bigger than being naughty. LOVE is huge. A little LOVE is bigger than the biggest LIKE.

LOVE is Everything.

LOVE is All.

Seasons

When the sun shines and the heart sings, when the leaves fall and the Earth is carpeted with russet and gold. When Winter's white evens out the blemishes and imperfections and makes everything equal again. When the Sun's powerful pull returns her precious Child Earth closer to her, and warms it in her embrace, and the Trees awaken once more and put on their new clothes ready for another Summer.

The Seasons, I love them!

When the rain lashes harsh against the windows, eerie moaning of the wind in the eaves.

When crocus and snowdrop tease up through the barely thawed ground.

Children laughing, splashing in the surf, lazy evenings, the Breath of Life

Chilly mornings, scarves and hats, catch your breath.

Watch the World getting ready for bed again, yawning sleepily - It's been a long day!

Sleep...

Sleep covers a man all over, thoughts and all, like a cloak.
It is meat for the hungry, drink for the thirsty, heat for the cold and cold for the hot.
It is the current coin that purchases all the pleasures of the world cheap; and the balance that sets the King and the Shepherd, the Fool and the Wise Man even.

Ask Yourself...

... What is important to you? Is it Family? Love? Money?
Now, think about energy. Energy is not infinite - we only have so much per day. Think of your energy as a measurable quantity - like having a bag with ten units of energy in it. This is how much you have to play with - so try not to waste it! Anger, frustration and impatience all eat up valuable energy from your ration of ten units, leaving less for the things you value the most. Expending energy cursing your ill-fate or bad luck, or blaming someone else for your misfortunes is a waste. It would be better used on something important to you instead. Life is not always fair, and if you keep this in mind then dealing with adversity is easier. Instead of wasting energy wishing things were different, or getting angry at the unfairness of the situation, use the energy to make the best of it. Many a poker hand has been won on a single pair. Be positive and don't waste energy on the things that don't matter.

Shine

Have you ever wondered what makes you so special? Look inside yourself and see how bright your universe is in there. One of my most favourite things is to see someone shine. Show them the truth - show them how unique they are, how clever, imaginative, creative they are. Give them an insight into the wonderous things they conceal inside themselves, and watch that brightness burst out from the locked-up place inside of them. It's a joy to behold.
It doesn't take much to see this truth - a little melted silicon, some simple reflective surfacing, and a border of your choice - drift wood and shells, pink plastic hearts, gunmetal grey or polished pine. Yes, a mirror. Look into the mirror and see you. Not your face or your hair - not your appearance. Just look at YOU. What you see in the mirror is what other people see - but by looking past that, you will begin to see what other people CANNOT see. That which is within - only you can release that. We have an inner light, suppress it and it's like snuffing a candle - bereft of air it will die. Let it out, let it breathe, and watch it flare and brighten. Do me a favour? Blind someone with your radiance today - go on, do it for me!

Simplicity

I watched Avatar again tonight, and sometimes I wonder whether we haven't got it all wrong? We clutter our lives with stuff. We buy the latest this, get a bigger that, have more and more of the other. I look around my home and think, we have more stuff in this one room than my parents owned in their entire lives!
Some would say I'm richer than they were, but in a way I think I'm poorer.
I think less would be better. Less complicated, less wasteful.
I've been to some of these Victorian Street type museums, and looking at the rooms, shops and so forth, I see fewer things, but home-made things, things that have value (not cost), things that have meaning (not bling-factor), a comb that would have been handed down mother to daughter - not something purchased for next to nothing that will last a week and be thrown away.
I hope that one day I can return to the life where value means more than cost. When comfort is more cherished than a brand-name.
I value simplicity. I see greatness in the small things, and I'm teaching my daughter to see those things too. I hope she values it too.

Inspiration

Inspiration - such an awesome thing. Where does it come from? The Heart? The Soul?
Two of my favourite pieces of inspiration are:

Desiderata - by Max Erhmann
and
If - by Rudyard Kipling

Edgar Allen Poe, Arthur Conan Doyle, Ian Fleming.
Einstein, Galileo, Leonardo-da Vinci, Stephen Hawking.

Captain Scarlet.

The list goes on.
Nature inspires me too - The Weather, The Landscape - Where I live. Where I can go? - how I can get there? Physical travel - bus, train, aircraft, boat? Or Electronic travel? Email, Internet, browsing, surfing? What about TV and Film?
Aliens, Star Wars, Star Trek, Avatar?
X-Files?
Hackers, Swordfish??

24, LOST??? Discovery channel? History Channel?
What bout all those Home-makeover, DIY, Shed-Head programs?
The Salvager, Restoration Man, New Yankee Workshop.

What about Nature programs?
David Attenborough's Blue Planet? Planet Earth??
Michael Palin's Around the World in 80 Days, Pole to Pole, Himalayas?

What about the great explorers, scientists, painters, poets, diarists?
The Greeks and Romans - Pliny, Plato, Plasticine?
OK - that last one wasn't an ancient Greek or Roman, but is inspirational!
Plasticine, LEGO, Meccano.

Each of us find our inspiration in different ways. My wife inspires me, and my daughter inspires me. Most things actually inspire me!
: )

Friendship

One of the most important things we can ever have is a friend. My best friend also happens to be my wife, and my daughter is also my best friend - or so she tells me. But then her teddy bear is also her best friend, and so is next doors cat, and the boy on the swings at the park. Even with these flighty, fickle standards, I know I feature in there somewhere.

But apart from wife and daughter, I don't really have that many other friends. I have people I work with - I like them, they like me. We do stuff for each other, and go for a drink after work sometimes. But they're not real "friends". I would expect them to miss me a little when I die, but not to go to my funeral and remember me forever afterwards.

My wife tells me I should have more friends, get out more - but if I'm being honest, I have enough friends. I have my very best friend (wife), and my best mate from London (who I never keep in contact with), and some old work and polytechnic buddies I stay loosely in touch with via Facebook, and even a few from the US who I befriended via FB - but we're not inseperable. We don't have that deep bond that real friends have. But I'm OK with that - I like them just as they are.

I think my wife thinks that this lack of friends makes me lonely, but in actual fact, it doesn't. I am comfortable with myself, and am happy in my own company. I easily live up to my own expectations and rarely am boring or dull. I laugh at my jokes, know just what I'm thinking, and don't need to fill the silences. I fit myself like an old slipper.

Oh, and I don't forget my birthday!

Friendship, true, deep friendship, is a rare commodity - and when I find it I treasure it - but I'm a bit too insular, a bit too reserved. I used to think I was antisocial - but I'm not, because in a social situation I am outgoing and funny, warm and friendly, sincere and attentive and nice. No, I'm not anti social, i'm just not sociable. I do not seek friends, or friendship, for it's own sake.

Sarcasm and Irony

We all despise sarcasm. Well, OK, maybe not all of us. And maybe despise is a strong word.
Most of us don't like sarcasm. But children do not understand sarcasm or irony in conversation. They take what you say at face value. So, to protect them from misinterpreting a sarcastic comment as the literal truth, we have to educate them in the ways of sarcasm. Otherwise they're going to be in big trouble when they get older. And yet none of us like to be on the receiving end of sarcasm.

I watched the Invention of Lying on the plane the other day - I had no headphones - too tight to buy some, so I tried to lip-read it. Only partially successful - but I think I got the gist.

But that led me to think about lying, and sarcasm - which is lying but in a heavily accented form designed to make you aware that the person is lying. So if it's that obvious - why do we do it? Why use sarcasm at all? I use sarcasm when someone asks me what, to me, is a stupid question. You walk in, soaking wet, and they say "Oh, is it raining?" "Nooo, my shower at home only runs cold so I wore my clothes to keep warm."

No, it's not funny. We want sarcasm to be funny - but usually it's just irritating.

So, I'm starting a campaign to stop sarcasm. Wouldn't that be ironic?

Mind Reading

It occurs to me today how much better off we are not being able to hear other people's thoughts, and vice versa. I caught myself thinking something that I truely would not have wanted to share with the person I was talking to.

Nooo.

And yet, I sit and wonder what other people are thnking all the time. Are they telling the truth? Why do they seem to dislike me so much? What have I forgotten? Am I in trouble? We try to use subtle clues to give us these answers - reading body language, nuances in expression, reading between the lines of the spoken words. I am rubbish as it. Truely, I am.
I always end up just asking "Are you lying?", "Why do you dislike me so much?" and so on - and then try and fathom out whether their replies are truthful - hoping that twitch of an eye, suppressed smile, nervous twitch, is a clue.

I long for the truth - I never lie, myself. It's too much like hard work. Far easier to tell the truth - but maybe just censor the bits that might not be so welcome. If someone asks me a question and they might not like the answer, I wrap that bad news in a bit of something nicer - but I still tell the truth. If everyone did that, life would be a lot more painful, but a lot easier too. At least we'd know where we stood.

personal perspective or self-perception

I'm walking along the street, and I see people looking at me. I''m not Brad Pitt, I'm not shining in the sun like Edward Cullen, I'm not followed by an entourage of PA's, PR's and Paparazzi. I catch myself wondering what they're looking at. I even glance behind me in case Brad Pitt's there.

It occurs to me that they might be looking at me because I'm looking at them? But no, they started it. It was them looking at me that made me look at them. Are they having a similar conversation in their heads (substituting Angelina Jolie and Alice Cullen instead).

Which made me think about self perception. I look in the mirror and I see an ugly bloke. My wife tells me I'm handsome. I can't see it myself - so who do I believe? My own eyes, or hers?
When these people look across the street at me, are they thinking "Heck, He's unattractive!" (Or words to that effect) or are they thinking "Wow, I want a bit of that!" ??

I wish I knew.
What would I do with that knowledge if I did know? How would it affect my self-image? Would I suddenly suck the tummy in a bit more, puff the chest out a bit? Swagger???
Oh, maybe I'm better of ignorant of the truth? I can pretend they're thinking "He is SO cool!" and just let a little lift hit my stride. Delusional but happy?

Choice and Stress

Have you noticed how having so much choice these days is stressful? I can't go shopping on my own anymore, because the list says "Pears, Melon, Apples" and yet when I get to the store, there are 5 different types of pears, four different types of melon, 7 different types of apple. So, which one? Green or Red? Sweet or sharp? English, French or Argentinian? Organic, Free-Range or reared in appalling conditions to maintain their cheapness?
I just know that if I choose wrong, I'll be questioned as to my choice when I got home - "Why did you get these? You know I like..." In that case, perhaps the list should have said "Sharp, green apples"?
When I was a child, I was on holiday caravanning, and my foster family sent me to the little on site shop to by some nice (as in pleasant) biscuits. I duly returned with Nice (as in coconutty) biscuits - which they all hated, and there was merry hell to pay. I was 6 years old - I followed my instructions to the literal letter. I think this experience has clouded my shopping experience forever more. Maybe that's why I find having too much choice so stressful?

First Attempt (draft)

Where do I start?
What's the first thing people write on Day One of their blogging experience? Hello?
Welcome to my Blog?

At the moment I'm struggling to see what possible interest there might be in what I have to write - but then I live in a world where sometimes the most mundane things are of spectacular interest.

So, why am I doing this?
Well, firstly - I'm tired of talking to myself. Not that I have to, of course. There are plenty of people around me I could talk to - people that would love nothing more than a meaningful conversation. No, I'm talking about that inane drivel that circulates in my head that basically doesn't see the light of day. Stuff too trivial to try working into a real "live" conversation.

And secondly, as the title says, it's an exercise - an experiment - and I suspect it'll be a futile one.
But only time will tell.

So, explanations over, time for an Introduction.
My name is Gladiator.
Nooo, only kidding.

I'm Collywobs. I'm a male in my 40's, resident of the UK, employed meaningfully and happily.
Husband and Father, friend to few, aquaintance to a few more.

I only share that information because I don't want anyone to be mislead into thinking I'm something I'm not.

I find myself actually afraid of talking to strangers - not because I'm afraid of what they might do to me - I can look after myself - no, but because I'm afraid of what they might fear of me. Do they think I'm after something? Will they automatically assume I'm trying to lure them in for some deviant purpose? Or, worse still, convince them to part with their cash or identity for my own selfish gain?

Well, let me just make it clear from the start. I'm not.
But then again, if I were - would I admit to it? Maybe this is a bluff? A double bluff??
Or maybe it's just what it is - the simple truth.

OK, I think that's enought for now. Maybe by the time I come to write some more, it'll actually be something interesting?